I’ve been avoiding this post for sometime, wondering whether or not it’s even appropriate. But my experience to date in India has been defined by this event so to not write about it I think would be wrong. As some of you know my uncle committed suicide on September 11.
The news, as one can imagine, was quite a shock. He did suffer from depression but nobody expected this. That I suppose is the beast behind the disease of depression. Even the best doctors don’t fully understand it.
In the past few days I’ve been able to slowly digest what has happened. My uncle lived in Dharwad, the town I am currently residing in for my AIF fellowship. In fact his house is less than a five-minute walk from the NGO I am working at. His house is amazing, with both a great porch and a deck. He was a statistics professor at Karnataka State University and an overall genius. I was particularly excited to come to India to spend more time with him because out of my extended family in India he understand what I was doing here. He also as I’ve stated before a genius, an encyclopedia of information, he knew a little bit about every topic. I think that’s what makes this especially hard, how could someone so intelligent do this?
Besides being devastated for the family he has left behind, I can’t believe this happened 3 days before I was to come to Dharwad. Didn’t he know I as coming! We were supposed to sit on his porch, drink chai, while he told me things I wouldn’t understand, but would pretend to anyway.
I thought things would be better when I got to Dharwad but it hasn’t been really. I don’t know the language or Hindu tradition so I’m not helpful. Grief is also a difficult emotion and I wish it could be avoided. People are very closed here in their emotions. Combined with the fact that the only time I am really alone is in the bathroom, which seems to be the only place where I can express my emotion.
Above is a picture of my family in Dharwad; my uncle is in the button-up shirt. He looks scholarly doesn’t he? Uncle, wherever you are I love you and miss you.
The news, as one can imagine, was quite a shock. He did suffer from depression but nobody expected this. That I suppose is the beast behind the disease of depression. Even the best doctors don’t fully understand it.
In the past few days I’ve been able to slowly digest what has happened. My uncle lived in Dharwad, the town I am currently residing in for my AIF fellowship. In fact his house is less than a five-minute walk from the NGO I am working at. His house is amazing, with both a great porch and a deck. He was a statistics professor at Karnataka State University and an overall genius. I was particularly excited to come to India to spend more time with him because out of my extended family in India he understand what I was doing here. He also as I’ve stated before a genius, an encyclopedia of information, he knew a little bit about every topic. I think that’s what makes this especially hard, how could someone so intelligent do this?
Besides being devastated for the family he has left behind, I can’t believe this happened 3 days before I was to come to Dharwad. Didn’t he know I as coming! We were supposed to sit on his porch, drink chai, while he told me things I wouldn’t understand, but would pretend to anyway.
I thought things would be better when I got to Dharwad but it hasn’t been really. I don’t know the language or Hindu tradition so I’m not helpful. Grief is also a difficult emotion and I wish it could be avoided. People are very closed here in their emotions. Combined with the fact that the only time I am really alone is in the bathroom, which seems to be the only place where I can express my emotion.
Above is a picture of my family in Dharwad; my uncle is in the button-up shirt. He looks scholarly doesn’t he? Uncle, wherever you are I love you and miss you.
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